Growing up as a female, I always have really negative thoughts about things in life; my family, my future career, my relationships with people, every single thing you name it.
Ultimately, it was the failed relationships with people that caused my emotions to be out of controlled.
When people leave, I'd think I wasn't good enough, I'm a lousy friend or whatsoever.
But it was all these things that made me learnt to see things in another perspective.
For example, maybe you were very close to this friend, but either one of you got busy and just stopped contacting each other. And you start to think your friend isn't gonna be there for you anymore.
I got to realized that, no, it's not that there are not there there, if you were to talk to them about it, I'm pretty sure they will still listen to you.
Recently I was just thinking about Joshy.
We were very very close friends.
I remember when he first came with his group of ah beng friends, I had such bad impression of him.
Until his birthday, I dropped him a text (after cg reminder). It was coincidentally a moment when he had birthday bash or something and he started telling me how jialat it was.
Haha I think we started talking from them.
Throughout the few months, I could see that he was different from his bunch of friends(probably an unfair statement cause I haven't really got to know the rest). But he had goals in life, he worked hard to pursue it.
I also told him that he have potential in doing well in future !
I think we were really close for one year and i got to know that he got a crush on me hahah he didn't confess, but his friends kept teasing him. My leader talked to me about it as well so I stopped contacting him for awhile until he like someone else.
Man, he wasn't easy to handle at all.
He complains about every single thing on earth haha!
But ok la, the things he complained about were super funny so it kinda made my day.
Birthdays and christmas were my fav seasons! Because both of us will make the effort to buy gifts for one another even though we tell each other what we want haha!
He was a very good support as well. Whenever I'm upset or angry or happy, he was the first one I shared with.
Or even when I have a new haircut, when I first put braces, when I remove them.
- fast forward to his O levels year, we drifted a lot because he was focusing, he stopped coming to church as well . We still talk to each other occasionally, but not much.
I was just thinking about him recently and i had a revelation.
Joshy's was an outlet that I pour my emotions to.
Especially when I'm upset and angry or when I had low self esteem, because he always gave me the assurance that I was looking for.
The period when I didn't have any outlet, I dealt with them myself.
That day, I realized I've learnt to see things in different perspectives, I've learnt to be slow to anger.
I've learnt to not feed on my emotions.
And probably because of this, I don't really share my problems anymore. Unless I really couldn't figure any solutions for it then I'd seek help.
Hahha but that's about it! :)
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